That girl.
You know who I'm talking about.
When everyone is lined up for pictures, there's always one girl that makes people cluck under their breath. "What a shame that poor girl has to wear that..."
Fuck my life.
And did I mention it's my brother's wedding? So these pictures will haunt me for years to come. They'll be displayed on the wall proudly in my parents' home and bound into scrapbooks for us to flip through every...goddamn...year...
AND?
Did I mention it's a Hindu wedding? Which means we get to wear stunning handmade outfits flown in from India. Our limbs will be covered in henna tattoos, and we'll be dripping in colorful jewelry. It's a dress-up dream come true.
HAVE BARE MIDRIFFS.
And I am, without question, the The One.
My future sister-in-law is gorgeous and tiny and brown - and she has gorgeous, tiny friends to match. I am plain and fat and white.
If you can't reach me these next three months, I'll be straddling the pot guzzling ExLax and speed. I plan to surface only for celery or phone calls offering free liposuction.
The only thing scarier than my current bod? My current bod...bedazzled.
holy shit! bare midriff is my nightmare!!! i'd rather just wear no pants than have my muffin top hanging out for all to be repelled by.
ReplyDeletesoooo sorry for you.
Can you wear a leotard or something under it? I bet you will look beautiful bedazzled.
ReplyDeleteoh man, i feel your pain! just this week my skinny, brown sister asked me to be her maid of honor. i'm thick and flabby and pasty. she's putting me in a lemon yellow dress. in miami. in august. this does not bode well for me. i'm hardcore on the diet & exercise bandwagon for the next few months. i guess i should be thankful i won't be in a belly-exposing dress!
ReplyDeletei think you'll look lovely :)
ReplyDeletebut you know what, they also have nice flowing tops that will be comfy covering your mids xo
You are what you eat,so eat skinny people = )
ReplyDeleteIt could be worse, they could expect you to be vajazzled as well?
ReplyDeleteK