Here I sit, shacked up in my room at the Kierland Resort & Spa. The place is a sprawling oasis of man-made waterfalls plunked down in the desert - a snooty resort I only happen to be at for a training conference.
I can't afford to leave my room.
There are several restaurants and bars serving $15 cocktails, but vodka makes me want to smoke, which is deeply frowned upon here. After being shooed from every place within striking distance of the lobby, I tiptoed through the valet lot - careful not to scratch a Range Rover, Caddy or Jag - to the very edge of the parking lot.
I lit.
I inhaled.
I relaxed.
"You're filthy to be to smoking!" A sparkly old lady scolded me as she toddled down the sidewalk with her mop of a purse puppy...who, incidentally, copped a squat 20 yards later. She left the dog shit, thinking - surely - there's a Mexican boy around for that.
That the resort CHIDES you for using, because it wastes water.
Um?
Excuse me, Mr. Westin...
How many decorative fountains are scattered around this property? And didn't we suck down a couple thousand bottles of water that you provided at the conference today? Put
that plastic in your pipe and smoke it. But nowhere near us, please, because your smoke stinks.
Suck it, Scottsdale. I'm going to bed.
LOL. And that is why I say I grew up in Snotsdale. Don't hate them for being so fabulous. (Rolls eyes and laughs.)
ReplyDeleteJajajajajajaja love it! My boyfriend is from Scottsdale and he took me for drinks at the Westin a few weeks ago. Lovely place but yes, too snobby for me too ;-) Hey Trish, you are only 150 miles from me :-P
ReplyDeleteP.S. There is affordable food away from your hotel somewhere, but you'll probably need a car to get there...
ReplyDeleteWow... that dual shower head ploy is genius. Well played Westin... well played!
ReplyDeleteOh ya Westin... based on this information I will be endlessly running your faucets when I stay at your places! So take that sucka!
Wow, that sounds horrible, but a fun place to mess around just to bug people :D
ReplyDeleteHaha! Hypocrisy at it's best! "I'm wealthy - I can do whatever I want." Marie Antoinette made the same mistake... who's head do we need to lob off?
ReplyDeleteYou are way too nice. I would've yelled, "Hey Lady, it's a filthy habit not to pick up after your dog!" Especially if other people were around.
ReplyDelete$180 massage had better have a happy ending. That's just a ridiculous price tag.
ReplyDeleteI just love the "You're FILTHY to be smoking!" part...lol... Whereas smoking is a nasty habit, it is one that I partake in...and enjoy immensely because it gives me instant pleasure and usually time away from the bozos that seem to run prevalent in my life!
ReplyDeleteKimberly (a stalker of your brother at his temp job)