Tuesday, May 31, 2011

Details, Schmeetails

I’m a deadbeat bride.

I thought I was being girly enough. Doesn’t drinking champagne in my pajamas and reading bridal magazines count for anything anymore?

I thoroughly enjoy thinking about the wedding. But if you think I’m gonna get off my ass and go shopping for centerpieces, clearly we haven’t met.

I went dress shopping that one time and I’m still experiencing PTSD from claustrophobic dressing rooms and bedazzled tulle sausage casings.

I considered making the invitations myself, with sepia-toned photos and hand-punched rivets and beautiful cardstock. But then I realized I could order some shit with the click of a mouse from the comfort of my chair. Done.

Mama Bird contacts me twelve times daily to consult me about critical decisions regarding centerpieces and favors and I think my lackadaisical response frustrates her. My laziness should not be confused with ingratitude – when The Big Day rolls around, I will squeal delightedly like a piglet in a mud puddle.

Hi. 1985 called and invited these chairs to the prom.
Until then, though, I just can’t muster the appropriate reverence for table arrangements and flower selections. I like tables and I like flowers, and that’s really all I have to say about that.

I’m not the girl who will have a breakdown because the bows on the chair covers are the wrong shade of lilac. In fact, I think anyone who ties bows on chairs should be kicked in the kneecap.

It’s a good thing I’m not planning the details of this shindig or it would be a half-assed potluck washed down with a communal bottle of vodka after we mutter “I do…”

11 comments:

  1. Younger sister got married last year, was a bridezilla.

    Older sister getting married on June 23rd, is showing signs of bridezilla

    Middle sister aka me never getting married :)

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  2. I happen to like half-assed potlucks. :)
    Suffice to say, I see no sin here...you enjoy it your way, and if that means not stressing out over centerpieces...more power to you!

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  3. I wasn't much for the details, either. My mom, however? Holy frickin' moly. When I selected French onion soup instead of a nasty fruit cup as an appetizer she cried. CRIED. I caved, of course. It was soup, for God's sake. I couldn't wait to be married and away from all the drama.

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  4. Your fuckit wedding sounds a lot like mine hahah

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  5. See, my mama is GREAT with this stuff. I know everything will be beautiful and nice but she isn't over the top and crazy. I'm a lucky, lucky girl. :)

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  6. My wedding was basically ALL my mom with my rule of simple, simple SIMPLE!

    Invitations...plain-jane white with an embossed rose, silver raised script, then ACK!!!! Inside my name...my ENTIRE NAME!!! My middle name which I guarded like a Templar Knight!!!

    I do wish I had insisted on my idea of a 50 guest cocktail party instead of a 150 guest reception...where the bakery delivered the WRONG CAKE! Oh well, we ate it.

    I also wish I insisted on a white version of my bridesmaids' dresses that they both were able to wear again.

    Oh, and the groom...'wish I had a different groom, 'cause twelve and 1/2 years later I put my dogs and clothes in my Jeep and left skid-marks!

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  7. All the best for your wedding!!!
    Like the way you spilled your feelings over a wedding arrangement..believe me, too much of focus ruins the day..you are moving the right direction!!

    Hi, this is Fiducia...1st timer on your blog, but not for ever now!! Blogrolling you!

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  8. Hahaha. I'm somewhere inbetween you and actual girlie. :) But, we still think alike. Why can't the alcohol be the centerpiece? What if there is a flower on the label? :)

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  9. you are soooooo lucky you have help. my love and i did the whole thing.

    it's work.

    but it's worth it ... i'm so excited for you :)

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  10. I guess I could be a bridezilla but I only if I were to marry a rich guy that could pay for all the details I want :-P j/k simple and elegant are my only requirements and I would wear green chucks ;-)

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  11. I can't even muster trying to plan for this sort of event. I mean, for Christmas I sent Mom a present in which I proved that I could choose tablecloths with matching napkins, but that's about it.

    Good luck with the tulle bow chairs!

    -Barb

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