I am not an expert.
Just a loudmouthed, opinionated woman who has recently realized that I am both a sexist and a hypocrite.
This realization hit me as I was cooking dinner for my boyfriend. Specifically, as I was cooking meat for my boyfriend, even though I hate handling and preparing it and would have more happily eaten the pasta sans chicken.
The grumbly little pseudo-feminist in my head chastised me for catering to his
Until I realized that if there was something heavy to be moved, I'd definitely expect him to do it.
Yep, I said it.
I'm the first one to play the Snow Removal is Man's Work card. And the I'm the Girl, so You Drive card. And, most shamefully, the My D-cups Impede Manual Labor card.
Men and women are NOT equal.
My personal theory is that, to make a relationship work, you must accept (or even better, embrace) this. It's not fair, it's not right, and it's not always cool. But it's the fucking truth.
- Women will never share closet space equally.
- Men will never share the remote equally.
- Women make shittier colleagues. Women get paid less for allegedly doing the same work as men, but anyone who has worked with a mommy knows that women don't do the same work as men at the office - nine times out of ten, it's the mom who calls in at the last minute when Junior is sick, taxing her coworkers. The man? Doesn't have to. His wife will do it.
- Men make shittier parents. Men don't do equal amounts of work around the house, or equal amounts of parenting. A woman who stays at home with her child for years is often considered to not be working. But when a man 'babysits' his kid for the day, people applaud his efforts with trumpets and parades.
- If there's suddenly an extra $5K in her bank account, a woman will more often than not use it on something that benefits the couple, or the family. A man will likely buy a boat, a motorcycle or a flat-screen to feed his ESPN habit.
I don't have any great advice or moral conclusion to this post, other than this:
Maybe if we women stopped fighting so hard to be considered the same as men, we'd learn to appreciate our strengths and theirs. And really? Let's not pretend we even wanna be the same. Yeah, it'd be cool to be able to write our names in the snow, but we get the multiple orgasms. And maybe hubby prefers that you cook, but do you really wanna eat that shit he calls dinner?
My best friend once solemnly told me, when I asked her why she let her four-year-old go to school in his Batman costume, "I have to pick my battles wisely."
So perhaps if more couples spent more time figuring out what works for them and less time keeping score, our relationships would be a little better. Not equal, but equally fulfilling.