Thursday, March 24, 2011

Women are NOT Equal to Men

I'm sure that if more than twelve of you read this post in its entirety, at least half of you will hate me; or at the very least, vehemently disagree. But first you must understand that I am making sweeping generalizations here, so clearly there will be exceptions.

And also?

I am not an expert.

Just a loudmouthed, opinionated woman who has recently realized that I am both a sexist and a hypocrite.


This realization hit me as I was cooking dinner for my boyfriend. Specifically, as I was cooking meat for my boyfriend, even though I hate handling and preparing it and would have more happily eaten the pasta sans chicken.

The grumbly little pseudo-feminist in my head chastised me for catering to his demands polite request and thought he ought to eat whatever I cooked and be happy about it.

Until I realized that if there was something heavy to be moved, I'd definitely expect him to do it.

Yep, I said it.

I'm the first one to play the Snow Removal is Man's Work card. And the I'm the Girl, so You Drive card. And, most shamefully, the My D-cups Impede Manual Labor card.

Dictionary.com defines the word equal as the same, but let's face it - although four quarters and a one dollar bill may have the same value, they serve very different purposes. One's critical for the parking meter and the other fits your billfold better.

Men and women are NOT equal.

My personal theory is that, to make a relationship work, you must accept (or even better, embrace) this. It's not fair, it's not right, and it's not always cool. But it's the fucking truth.

 - Women will never share closet space equally.

 - Men will never share the remote equally.

 - Women make shittier colleagues. Women get paid less for allegedly doing the same work as men, but anyone who has worked with a mommy knows that women don't do the same work as men at the office - nine times out of ten, it's the mom who calls in at the last minute when Junior is sick, taxing her coworkers. The man? Doesn't have to. His wife will do it.

 - Men make shittier parents. Men don't do equal amounts of work around the house, or equal amounts of parenting. A woman who stays at home with her child for years is often considered to not be working. But when a man 'babysits' his kid for the day, people applaud his efforts with trumpets and parades.

 - If there's suddenly an extra $5K in her bank account, a woman will more often than not use it on something that benefits the couple, or the family. A man will likely buy a boat, a motorcycle or a flat-screen to feed his ESPN habit.

I don't have any great advice or moral conclusion to this post, other than this:

Maybe if we women stopped fighting so hard to be considered the same as men, we'd learn to appreciate our strengths and theirs. And really? Let's not pretend we even wanna be the same. Yeah, it'd be cool to be able to write our names in the snow, but we get the multiple orgasms. And maybe hubby prefers that you cook, but do you really wanna eat that shit he calls dinner?

My best friend once solemnly told me, when I asked her why she let her four-year-old go to school in his Batman costume, "I have to pick my battles wisely."

So perhaps if more couples spent more time figuring out what works for them and less time keeping score, our relationships would be a little better. Not equal, but equally fulfilling.

25 comments:

  1. http://www.blogger.com/profile-find.g?t=i&q=Football

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  2. Hey, but when I said we deserved that extra 15%, in a similar post I was the worst person in the world :p

    On topic tho, true...never have been, never will be...and I think that's fine. Can an apple and an orange be equal? Sure, they both give you juice, but can you use oranges in an apple pie? Don't caramel oranges sound nasty? Apple jacks don't taste like apple, but damn sure shouldn't taste orange... Is one better than the other? No...one's full of vitamin C and the other makes a decent bong with a little modification, they both have their uses and each does things the other doesn't as well...a similar principle applies with people.

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  3. Men and women are definitely not the same, I have had an argument on that basis more than once. Its obvious, we are not built the same physically, and if you visit a mans home and a woman's home it should be obvious that we do not operate the same way mentally.

    However I do believe it takes both the Yin and the Yang to make the complete circle and my weaknesses are often compensated by the strengths of my girlfriend.

    I like the post but do not fit many of the stereotypes contained in it, however I know what you mean just the same because they are common male traits. However I am a wonderful father, and cook.

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  4. Scott - I totally agree on the Yin and the Yang. And I have no doubt that you're a great dad and cook. Like I said, this post is definitely generalizing, but it's what I've found to be most often true from what I've seen and experienced. :) Thanks for stopping by!!

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  5. To PBScott's point, don't confuse being different with not being equal. You're right, you've made some sweeping generalizations. They're not 100% true. Just, maybe 95% true. ;) Gotta say, though, wish I were a D-cup. I've got no excuse!

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  6. Bravo! I enjoy cooking...the cleaning not so much. I do the whole stay at home spouse route. Every so often I do have to remind my husband that I am not one of his employees. He is not my superior rather we just work in different departments.

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  7. Absolutey briliant! I've been saying this for years. We aren't equal but both sexes have different strengths and weaknesses. Eloquently put and well thought out.
    For a woman.

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  8. Love it! But you're telling me that big ass flat screen doesn't benefit the family? My Lady Friend uses it to watch "what not to wear" and "bridezillas" almost as often as I watch sports.

    Of course (as far as I know) I am the only one using it to watch adult entertainment.

    SD
    www.TheSimpleDude.com

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  9. I'm with Jane... my lack of tits, isn't helping me at all. Wonder what I can do with those o.O?

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  10. We should just be ourselves, do the things we enjoy and find fulfilling, and not worry whether we're equal, inferior or superior to anyone else.

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  11. HEY, who said that women aren't equal to men, WOMAN?
    It's not our fault that you don't have the pelvic floor muscle control to autograph your name in the newly laid snow that someone later will make "snow-cream" out of, that you don't have the innate ability to master the ever changing landscape of the remote, that you only leave a kitty litter box sized area of closet space for us, that you play hooky when the kids get sick and stay home with them (all the while playing with our remote while we are gone slaving at work), that we don't understand your disdain when we don't get when you are explaining to us about the bitch at the office that's "trying to DESTROYYYY you", the fact that y'all turn your Martha Stewart noses up at our scrambled-eggs-a-la-orange, or that y'all CANNOT master the use of the urinal (see picture above) or that y'all get kinda loooonnnggg winded! Wait.....oh shit..maybe I should have left that one out!

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  12. He does the laundry.

    That is all.

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  13. I laughed, some of it true... some of it exaggerated.. good read.

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  14. I identify as feminist but will never want to be considered the SAME as a man. What I do expect is to be treated equally under the law and in my relationships. The political environment is extremely hostile toward women right now. No matter how you slice it we are not being treated as HUMANS in many of the bills on the table across the country (thankfully most won't pass). I don't hate men but I feel strongly that the collective men hate me.

    Also working against us is the huge population of sexist women. This post reeks of that but I'll still be reading your blog because nobody is perfect.

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  15. All things being equal, I thought ya did a fairly even handed, balanced treatment of the subject.


    kinda sounds like Spam Uh???

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  16. Fucking rights I cook....I don't want to live off of Beef, potatoes, corn and bread.

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  17. You really thought this would lose you an audience? I almost thought you were gonna take this where I would take it if I wrote it, which definitely would have lost you an audience. Which is why I don't write it lmao. Very fair, true post.

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  18. I am not pursuing equality with men. I want to see equanimity expressed in all laws. The definition of equanimity is: not to distinguish between friend, enemy or stranger, or on the basis of gender, skin color, etc. but to regard every person as being as equal to all other persons and to provide equal treatment and legal protection of all rights to all people.

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  19. I'm not going to disagree with you at all! I happen to believe in girl power, but I also recognize that my husband is the perfect compliment to stuff. You know, he does the heavy lifting and I look good in my underthings...;) Just kidding...kind of.

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  20. Wow!!! That was freakin wonderful! I want to put a robe and crown on you and make you my new Queen! (Right now Sara Lee is so you have some stiff competition!) I wholeheartedly agree with everything you said...you just said it better than I would. You gave good reasons. I would have just said, "Because I said so!"

    Elle
    http://LYLASandCo.com

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  21. Next time, move your own heavy stuff then. :)

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  22. woooww.., you write so well..!!

    Loved it.. :)

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  23. Oh my gosh Tricia, that was just a WONDERFUL post. I totally agree with you. I think most women do as well, we're just to scared to say it out loud.

    Kudos my dear!!!!

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  24. i can tell you, in experience, that men are dimmer, but women are far more evil. they are not "equal", but both deserve equal pay in the work world and both should do equal work in the home, except in the raising of children. men, like male bears (and other male animals), should be kept away from children because they can kill/hurt them by accident, out of anger, by playing too rough, or (oh the horror) on purpose.

    equality is a myth, amongst the genders, amongst the races, amongst the ages. that does not give us the right to generalize based on a supposed preconceived idea of the group. we must always consider the individual, i think that is where the wish for equality comes in, because so often in the work world and life in general, we stereotype individuals, which is wrong. we all want to be viewed to have equal worth. that is why women are so against men, for many many centuries, women were property, had no rights, and were horribly mistreated. then, during this past century, women realized that they did have equal worth and could acquire the rights they deserved. still today, pay is unequal between genders, and don't tell me that women don't put the hours in like the men do because you'd be full of *place expletive here*.



    and on women in the workplace, they are far more competitive than men and are thus more difficult to work with. however, they are more likely to put in more hours than the men (not in office jobs so much [who the hell wants to live in a cubical?], but in other positions (retail, food service, corrections, teaching, etc ). that is not true of all women. we should not generalize based on gender, that is where we fail as a species. we should base our thinking on the individual. my boyfriend cooks, cleans, and likes dolphin figurines. i on the other hand hate cooking with a passion, don't care much for cleaning, and prefer dragon figurines. everyone's different but we are all worth the same, we are all a life and existence.

    you do have a good blog going by the way and i do agree with you to a point. :D

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  25. Amen sister! Life is so much easier when you accept that we all have our different roles to fill and that (at least somewhat) they spur from innate gender differences. I LOVE having someone to my heavy lifting and yard work and will gladly make them any feast they choose as a reward... well almost any. I can't afford steak & lobster. LOL.

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