Sunday, February 6, 2011

My Vagina Takes One for the Team

So those of you who read this blog thoroughly and retain useless information know that my darling mama bought me a gift certificate for three sessions of laser hair removal. She bought herself three as well, and off to the spa we went.

As an aside, I'd like to lobby against calling any place a spa where they burn your hair out by the roots using light sabers.

I saddled up and talked about the weather while the tech prepped the area. That's code for shaved my kitty, but who wants to tell people they shave strangers' vaginas all day at work? I donned my protective glasses (wait a sec - these lasers have the power to blind me and you're going to aim them at my goodies?) and we did the deed.

She warned me that the sensation would feel like someone snapping a rubber band against me. I would inform you that the sensation more closely resembled electrocution, but then I've never crammed my labia in a light socket, so I can't say for certain. I would, however, happily challenge any man to go have his nut sack lasered and report back his thoughts.

My mom was going to have her upper lip done with her gift certificates, but to my amusement the tech informed her that her lip fuzz is too blonde and it won't work. I helpfully offered up my vagina (it's always happy to take one for the team), so now I get six free laser sessions instead of just three. My mom gets a much lighter wallet and a hairy lip.

But I'm sure my boyfriend will send her a thank-you card.

24 comments:

  1. So what was it on your pain scale?

    ReplyDelete
  2. Hmmmm....maybe a two? Though it's hard to say because there were a few spots that STUNG LIKE HELL.

    ReplyDelete
  3. LMAO! Good on ya for trying it! I still think my vasectomy was way worse than even the light socket, so I will proudly stand back and say "Been there, done that." Good luck!--M

    ReplyDelete
  4. yikes! its all I have to say on this.

    CBG
    canadianbloggergirl.blogspot.com

    ReplyDelete
  5. Hey, whatever it takes to look great! I'm all for that. I had some cancer burned off my back once with no anestheitc, so I think I'm part of the club. Afterwards, I fainted in the elevator!

    ReplyDelete
  6. I think this begs the question:
    Do women expect men to "manscape" as well?

    ReplyDelete
  7. Even for the title alone, this post was worth it.

    ReplyDelete
  8. oh groupon, how I love you. Bringing me stories of lasered kitties. And if people buy me a lasering, I'll gladly take one for the team as well and have the boys electrocuted.

    ReplyDelete
  9. I would totally get lasered if I had the money! Even if it's painful. Do you know how long will the removal last? I really can't believe it's permanent :P

    ReplyDelete
  10. My, oh, my. What we women go through. Couldn't help but laugh, though. You always manage to do that to me regardless of the subject matter.

    ReplyDelete
  11. "Why is there something rather than nothing?" and "Why would a woman submit to have her vagina lasered?" Two questions philosophers will be pondering for the next million years.

    ReplyDelete
  12. Aaah! Have to say it didn't sound that bad. I had something worse in my mind. It helps to have a mind that always thinks more worse than it usually is in cases like this ;)

    One down...5 more to go! *cheers*

    ReplyDelete
  13. Ha! ha! ha. You made me LOL :D again. Love you.

    ReplyDelete
  14. This is not just a shameless plug for my company however I do sell a product that one of my clients has used on that area when she had her laser hair removal and she says SHE LOVED it and it was much better then the cream they gave her that was super expensive. You can always check it out...I know the name may not be so appealing however the feeling of relief it gives may be well worth it!!! It is called Anal Eaze and you can find more info here: http://www.facebook.com/?ref=home#!/pages/Slumber-Parties-by-Mekeisha/170325976300 and look it up on my website if you wish!

    Much luck to your new Kittie and happy playing :o)

    ReplyDelete
  15. Loved it. it's always reassuring to find that women can be as gross and disgusting as men; we're all pigs, don't ch know. May have to bookmark your site.

    ReplyDelete
  16. Wow! You have such a great blog! It's certainly a perfect read after a lousy, or stressful day! Very funny. :)

    I like this post and thought I'd share my own experience. I use my own hair treatment at home. You have to be patient with the type of machine I have b/c I opted for one that was less pricey & painless. I've been doing treatments for about 2 1/2 months now & have one bald spot already! lol. The machine was only around $65. It is completely painless too! Just feels slightly tingly, but works pretty great.

    ReplyDelete
  17. This is really funny. Thanks for posting it.

    I would like to invite you to submit to my blog at www.bodyofwords.net. You can read more about what we are aspiring to be on the site, but in short, safe place to talk about our bodies and experiences. You would be a welcome addition.
    Please do not infer that because I am posting this request as a comment to this story that we are asking to see your electrocuted goodies. That is not the reason for my comment, just the occasion. Anyway, thanks for the good laughs. Please stop by and enjoy body of words.

    All best,
    BoW

    ReplyDelete
  18. Hi, I would like to invite you to submit to Body of Words, which is a site where people can talk about their bodies and experiences in a safe and supportive space. We are interested in all things corporeal and experiential, and all issues, fears, anxieties, twinges of pain, or outpourings of happiness and satisfaction that might stem from physical existence.

    Please come by, look around, comment, submit your own images and words, or pass it on to others you know who might be interested.

    www.bodyofwords.net

    All best,
    BoW

    ReplyDelete
  19. that was hilarious, first time on your blog, I'm going browsing around now, be here a while I think :)

    ReplyDelete
  20. if my 'gine wasn't already internal, reading this post would make it crawl inside my body and hide.
    sounds hilariously painful.
    taking 6 sessions for the team [of ladies] that just don't have what it takes for that kind of commitment to obtain a sleek beaver... well, you are brave indeed-
    or a hairy masochist.

    love yr blog by the way.

    ReplyDelete
  21. Very funny and informative. Really really informative. In fact I feel like I was right there..... which makes me feel a bit uncomfortable. Nice job!

    ReplyDelete
  22. Hilarious. Your blog is a riot! I want laser hair removal in several key areas...I'll never be able to afford it, though.

    http://www.linkedin.com/pub/rachell-green/33/64b/980

    ReplyDelete

Tell me how that made you feel. We are in the circle of trust.

Related Posts with Thumbnails