Sunday, January 9, 2011

Adventures in Mating...and Dating

So The Boy said he had a surprise for me yesterday....and he wasn't kidding.

SURPRISE! He woke me up at the ass crack of dawn. Oh, wait, that wasn't it.

SURPRISE! He cooked me breakfast and took me out for (desperately! needed!) coffee. But that wasn't it, either.

Off we the Minnesota zoo.

It was very educational.

We learned about the mating habits of tapirs. The boys, who are smaller than the females when most viable, are in danger during the courting process. If the female tapir decides she isn't interested, she may respond by pushing the male tapir's head underwater and drowning him. Men, take note: when we aren't in the mood, you'd best step off.

The Boy taught me how to differentiate between the male and female sharks. Who knew those weren't extra fins? Apparently they are aerodynamic testicles. (Kinda wondering why he knew that...)

But the real surprise came when we were ready to leave the zoo.

SURPRISE! He lost the car keys!

So we retraced all of our steps, slowly, because really - who doesn't want to see every inch of the zoo twice when it's nine degrees outside? We made a couple of pit stops at Guest Services to warm up, where we met a lovely lady named Sandy who assured us she was rooting for us. She told us she was impressed with our cool under pressure and The Boy admitted that he was feeling like a bit of a tool since this was our first whole day spent together.

I placed several calls to Triple A and we made arrangements for a locksmith to come out with a highly overpriced key. They told us it'd be about 90 more minutes, so we scrapped our dreams of a late lunch of Mexican food and headed for the zoo cafeteria. Just as we were polishing off our zoolicious sandwiches, The Boy was paged over the intercom. The keys? Had been found.

We canceled the locksmith and skipped off to pick up the keys at Guest Services. Our lady friend presented them to him delightedly and then asked if she could tell us a joke.

But of course.

"I think you two are going to end up getting married, and you should do it here at the zoo," she pronounced, presenting us with a glossy brochure entitled I Do at The Zoo.

Apparently we are the punchline.


  1. Awww I don't think I would get married at a zoo (think of the smell) but hey, it looks like you had a fun day and the boy is cute!

  2. Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaah look how cute you two look ^_^!

    Yes. think of the smell. No marrying at the Zoo please. Very glad they found the keys tho!


  3. What kind of sandwiches do they have at the zoo? Sheesh you leave out the important part of like EVERY story.

  4. Female tapirs-I've met a few of those in hot tubs over the years. Anyway, what's a first date without a little adventure. I'll bet he doesn't lose his car keys every day. Obviously, it was your pulchritudinous presence and intelligence that distracted him.

  5. I've always wanted to go to a wedding at the MN zoo! (hint, hint) Maybe not in the winter though...That whole adventure actually sounds like some of my early adventures with Gerry - makes for better stories years later! I hope "the Boy" sticks around - sounds like a keeper ;)

  6. That's awesome. But he has to have all penguin suits for groomsmen and you gotta have flamingos as bridesmaids

  7. Wow, my zoology degree never taught me that Tapir mating fact - I want my money back!

    Almost makes spider courtship a little more acceptable - what would men prefer eaten alive or death by drowning... hmmmm

  8. Ah, what's life without surprises, and going to the zoo is a cool date. Plus with the car key thing you got to see how cool he was under pressure -- and he got to see your reaction! Sounds like a win-win on all counts.

  9. i'm liking the Boy as well, if only that he posed was game enough to pose for the picture. hope he doesn't screw up by courting you when you are not interested.
    ps thanks for adding me to your cyber love list. i'd say we have more of a cyber booty call, at this point, but we'll see where it all goes.

  10. I loved the story and the image too. Thanks for sharing it. :)

    P.S. Getting married at the zoo - no way! Don't do it!

  11. Well my zoology degree never imparted such a nugget of Tapir mating wisdom (I want my money back!). But sounds like a pretty memorable first date!

  12. I totally lol'ed at nothingprofound.

    Also? @Evolution of Relationships - the guy would stop listening after he heard that he might be getting 'eaten' wink wink, nudge, nudge.

    YAY for finding the keys!

  13. Oh he is tasty :)In fact you both look pretty zoolicious in the pic.

    The fact that he didn't act like a twat because the keys were lost, are a huge three thumbs for him.

  14. Did he knock at your door at the ass crack of dawn or "knock" at your ass at the crack of dawn?
    "Surprise!" LOL!

  15. If you do get married at the zoo, do it near some Canada geese. They mate for life. Also, you look super pretty in those sunglasses!

  16. How freakin' cute is he?!

    I think he lost the keys on purpose - excuse to spend more time together. :)

  17. Wow! You got a cutie, Tricia! :-D

    And, frankly, going to the zoo as an adult is more enjoyable than when you are a brat whining about how boring the animals who do nothing are.

    I'm glad you had a great time, even with the lost keys episode.

    -Barb the French Bean

  18. I went to the Minnesota Zoo once and the orangutans were eating the Yellow Pages (several copies, in fact). Kinda turned me off zoos for, oh, a lifetime!

  19. The best part about this story is that because you didn't mind hanging out with him, no one got worked up about losing the keys and being stuck hanging out with poo throwing monkeys. You will always be able to look back and make fun of him, I mean laugh together, about that day as well!

  20. I am your newest stalker...uh...I mean follower... thanks to Dana. You are a riot!

  21. Hehehe. Sounds like an entertaining first date to me! If he was able to remain cool, he deserves bonus points.

    Fun animal mating-ish thing I learned recently while at an Alpaca farm participating in a craft fair... Wanna guess how they find out if the females are pregnant? They lead the female into the male's pen... if she spits on him, she's pregnant. No spit = they go at it again. LOL.

  22. From the looks of your picture, I would say it's the female tapir that's in danger....especially if there isn't foreplay involved. Wow.

  23. I just found your blog and LOVE it!
    I found it through Dana at Saturday Mornings. I am your newest follower all the way from Sunny (well not today) Texas.

  24. how did I miss this??!! you have a boy AND you went to the zoo. Marry him. NOW.


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