Let's ponder this for a moment, shall we?
My mother cooks my food for me and all of my 'home furnishings' are jammed in a storage locker because technically - I'm homeless. I'm residing in my parents' guest room like a sloth.
Don't get me wrong, I'm not opposed to pimping shit to my readers and providing helpful reviews. But it damn well better be for stuff I want and use. Here are some examples.
If you are a surgeon and would like to augment my breasts or suck the fat out of my ass at no charge, I'd be happy to document and review the entire procedure, including sharing the horrifying before pictures.
|If my nipples end up pointing askew like this,|
you will NOT receive a rave review...
I want more work anyway, so if you need publicity, let's talk. Tattoo me for free and I'll tell everyone you've got a touch that's like being kissed by kittens.
Exploit me to tout the benefits of a makeover. I'll willingly undergo no-cost laser hair removal, eyebrow shaping, and the application of hair extensions for the greater good of mankind and the promotion of your salon.
If you have a (hot) guy you're interested in, but you have concerns of some sort, let me know. I'd be happy to sleep with him and report back to you - and all my other readers - on his prowess in the sack.
Feel free to send me your Xanax, Valium and Halcion and I'll let you know of any alarming side effects and counsel my readers on proper recreational dosing.
|I make you happy!|
I'm always available to review flowers, vibrators, chocolate, champagne and gourmet food, as well as vacation travel to destinations that encourage happy ending massages for women.